Esperarle
by snarkyroxy
Summary: Harry waits...


TITLE: Esperarle

AUTHOR: snarkyroxy

EMAIL: snarkyroxy at fanfiction dot net

IM: snarkyroxy (love to talk, but please tell me you're from FFnet)

DISTRIBUTION: anywhere you like, just let me know

FEEDBACK: love it, want it, need it... siriusly g 

GENRE: angst

RATING: PG

SUMMARY: Harry waits...

DISCLAIMER: I just like to borrow them and play with them evil grin 

DEDICATION: To JKR - damn you for being so good, damn you for making me fall in love with a man who is nothing more than a bunch of words, and damn you even more for killing him

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Harry tapped me on the shoulder tonight and wanted to talk about what happened that night in the Department of Mysteries, and hey, who am I to refuse the Harry!Muse?

'Esperarle' means 'waiting for you'

He always was a prankster, my godfather Sirius.

He and my dad used to play tricks on people all the time at school.

Maybe now wasn't the best time for one, but that was just Sirius.

I know he wasn't hurt much by Bellatrix's stunning spell, only, well, stunned.

He just happened to be standing right in front of that odd arch with the black veil hanging over it.

As he fell through the veil, Bellatrix gave a scream of triumph, but it didn't mean anything:

Sirius would re-appear the other side of the arch at any moment, mocking her again; daring her to duel.

So I waited.

And waited.

All around me, members of the Order were rounding up the remaining Death Eaters.

I waited, thinking about the whispering I heard from behind the veil when I first saw it.

I remembered wondering who they were, and why I seemed to be the only one who could hear them.

Hermione's words from a Care of Magical Creatures class echoed in my head, "The only people who can see Thestrals are people who have seen death."

I wondered if the whispers were the same.

A sense of foreboding came over me so quickly I felt as though I couldn't breath.

I heard a distant roar in my ears, but everything else around me was silent.

"SIRIUS!"

The voice seemed to come from far away, even though it was my own.

_No..._

"SIRIUS!"

He's just behind the curtain. I just have to push the veil back and he'll be there, laughing at me.

I started forward, but someone grabbed me, holding me back.

"There's nothing you can do, Harry!" I heard someone say.

_It can't be..._

"Get him!" I heard myself yell. "Save him, he's only just gone through."

"It's too late, Harry," the voice said again, and I realised it was Lupin.

Sirius was his best friend. Why won't he help me save him?

I struggled against Lupin's arms, but still he held me back.

"We can still reach him-" I yelled, trying to make him understand.

"There's nothing you can do, Harry... nothing... he's gone."

_No... not him too, not Sirius, not now..._

It's not possible.

It's just some sick joke.

Sirius was just keeping me waiting because he thinks it's funny.

_He's never kept me waiting before._

The realisation hit me like a ton of bricks. Not once had Sirius ever kept me waiting... for anything. He would risk his freedom, or even his life, to be at my side; to help me, to guide me, or even just to cheer me up.

He's like the father I never knew, and the brother I never had.

And he has never kept me waiting... until now.

I slumped to the ground as Lupin released his grip on my arms.

It wasn't a trick. It wasn't some stupid joke.

He was gone.

I stared blankly around the room. Curses were flying above my head; Kingsley had taken up the duel with Bellatrix. Dumbledore was there.

But it didn't matter anymore.

None of it mattered.

Not if Sirius was...

_This can't be happening_

I thought of the first time we met face to face.

Sirius' desperate plea for my trust, "I would have died rather than betray James and Lily."

I saw him laughing in the old photo of my parents' wedding.

I remembered how his face lit up at the prospect of having his godson live with him.

I felt the great black dog's paws on my shoulders the day I left for school at the beginning of the year.

Little then did I know it would be the last time I would pat the shaggy black dog, or laugh with the man.

I stared at the black veil.

The thin material was swaying slightly in an unfelt breeze, but for the barrier it set between Sirius and I, it might has well have been a brick wall.

I thought I had been doing the right thing, coming to the Department of Mysteries tonight.

I thought I was saving my godfather, but instead I brought him to his death.

Again I heard the whispers of those lurking through the archway.

I strained to hear their words, but to no avail.

_What if I call him once more?_ I thought, desperately, but knowing my hope to be in vain.

"SIRIUS!"

For a moment the whispers grew louder, and the veil billowed revealing the black abyss beyond.

In that moment I knew he was gone, but where, I couldn't say.

I just know that somewhere beyond the black veil, he's waiting for me.

The End

More Author's Notes: Okay, I've had my angst!fix now... I'm over it... :::sob:::


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